Lessons from my Dark Room Retreat – Become Who You Are

Our job in this life is not to shape ourselves into some ideal we imagine we ought to be, but to find out who we already are and become it.” —Steven Pressfield

It was the 13th of January 2025 when I entered the dark room retreat at the yoga center in France. Seven days without any light whatsoever—the most extreme form of spiritual practice and sensory deprivation I know of. Seven days of intense meditation, practicing yoga and Qi Gong in complete darkness. In that space, I found profound peace and joy. Here, I share one important lesson I learned from those seven days in the dark.

Become Who You Are

This is a lesson I learned in the dark room. Not being able to be who you are is mental torture. It means constant conflict, being pulled in multiple directions at once. It leads to chronic overthinking and crippling regret. 

Becoming who you are means finding peace within yourself. Every part of you aligns toward a singular purpose. There is no resistance, no doubt—your instincts, your intellect, your heart, and your soul all unite. It is power. It is peace. It is like resting in that spot where everything flows, where life feels effortless. No more struggle, no more unnecessary exertion—just pure alignment.

In contrast, not being yourself feels like trying to run with heavy weights tied to your feet. It’s like driving at full speed with the handbrake engaged. It’s like your left hand pulling in one direction while your right hand resists. But when you finally unite the left and right brain, they become an unstoppable force. The noise fades, leaving only clarity. You focus on the core things that truly matter—the keystone habits that shape your destiny.

This process is lifelong—a cycle of losing and finding yourself. It is about dying and being reborn, shedding old versions of yourself like trees in autumn losing their leaves.

On day four in the dark, I felt peace. Before that, I had beaten myself up for failing to meet my own standards. I had tried so hard, but the stress, the overload of information and stimulation, had shattered my focus. My brain had become what I call ‚TikTok Brain’—short attention span, no joy, constantly chasing the next thing, unable to articulate deeper thoughts. Something had to change drastically.

I was torn. On one side, I wanted to be that strong, disciplined man who works out relentlessly. On the other, I longed to be the meditative, mindful soul, vibrating at a higher state of consciousness—positive, happy, loving, focused, wise. But there I was, grinding through study sessions and endless hours of working in front of a screen, my brain feeling like a trash bin—cluttered, numb, cold.

I realized then that the greatest enemy is not external—it is within. The distractions, the temptations, the endless deferrals of our true calling. As Steven Pressfield writes, „The most pernicious aspect of procrastination is that it can become a habit. We don’t just put off our lives today; we put them off till our deathbed. Never forget: This very moment, we can change our lives. There never was a moment, and never will be, when we are without the power to alter our destiny. This second we can turn the tables on Resistance. This second, we can sit down and do our work.“

People told me to accept myself. To embrace being lazy, weak, half-depressed. To blame external circumstances. That it was okay. But I refused to adopt the mindset of quitters. Conflict, inner war—these generate energy. I was angry at myself, and I used that anger as fuel. I refused to surrender. I kept trying, kept fighting, kept putting effort into the game. Falling, rising, falling again—until I took the ultimate step into darkness.

Seven days. Seven days alone in the void. Every part of me longed for a higher state of being. And all that effort, all that struggle, all that anger—it culminated in the discipline I maintained in the dark. On day four, I found peace.

Stripped of distractions, I could focus on only three things: spiritual practice, eating, and hygiene. Three simple tasks, but executed with excellence. And that made me happy. Before, I had tried to do twenty things at once, only to execute them half-heartedly. That, I realized, is the greatest sickness—scattering your energy across too many things and never going all in.

I don’t care what you do, but whatever you do—put your heart and soul into it. That is the meaning of becoming who you are.

And it takes time. Discipline, effort, the seeds you sow—they demand years of consistent dedication before they bear fruit. At first, you see nothing. But then, one day, you cross that invisible threshold. A powerful, positive feedback loop lifts you, like a strong wind at your back. All the virtues, all the work, all the struggles—they merge into something beautiful. “

Just keep going. That is my message to you. Keep trying. Keep striving. Keep fighting. Keep sowing the seeds and working the field. One day, the harvest will come, and you will experience what it means to become who you truly are.